Adventures in Photon Land or Massive Communication Gap

Ok it’s time for a light-hearted anecdote (but it is still faithful to VERITAS).

My lab notebook is filled with sighs (“Oh God, why me ??”), curses (*$%& you too, detector! [sorry mom, but trust me it’s appropriate !] ) and monologues to my future self (“Get out here while you are still sane”). Of course there is the requisite amount of bad data, empty pages, and specifications of equipment that never meet specs, but these are for another post. Let’s go back now to that part about me-talking-to-my-future self. The most recent of these conversations started about two years ago. My past self had written down very clearly “Dearest Radzie, please don’t ever touch the allignment laser – it’s a bitch. She will not bother you, if you don’t bother her”. For those of you who don’t know about my experiment (which is everyone but me), the alignment laser is a bright red laser used to correctly position the million optics (lenses, prisms and such) in my experiment, because I can’t see the actual photons that traverse these dangerous terrain. Simply put, I use the alignment laser to visualize my photons’ adventures. Remember that this note was about two years ago. Of course 3 months after I had written that, I promptly removed(!!) the alignment laser (I hope my advisor is not reading this blog – he’d know what an idiot I am and that I write to myself, which somehow seems worse than talking to yourself even though it is just another form of communication – hmmm. Note to future self: think about why this is so). Why did I remove the alignment laser? Because it was in my way- duh! So first instance of future self not listening to past self (bad bad future-self). Let’s start keeping scores: Future Self = -1. Past Self = +1. Yes, I penalize people for not listening to me and reward those who do. Roughly a day after I removed the laser, my then-future-self but now-past-self wrote another note “ Yeah gurl, remember that note about the alignment laser – yeah very very true. Don’t ever touch that again. TRUST ME - Its really a bitch!”. Now this time, my past-self did one step better – she tried to etch into my memory the pain involved in realigning the alignment laser. She didn’t do a very good job. I promptly took it down three months later and had to tearfully realign it two weeks after that. Score: Future Self =-2. Past Self = +2. This kept happening. Fast forward to now: you’ll know what transpired in between from the latest scores - Future Self =-5 and Past Self = +5. Notes to future self are now covered in curse words, some in ALL-CAPS and some were just empty pages (an example of my past-self trying the silent treatment on the future-self – “I don’t even wanna talk to you anymore”). The last of these misadventures happened yesterday. As I was wondering how I could improve communications between these different time zones, I finally figured out why we (i.e., my past self and my future self) have such a massive communication gap. No - its not really a memory thing – I always remember the warnings and have slight forebodings of the pain involved. It is not a language problem either - I have known and will know the meaning of “DON’T”. The vile vicious virulent villain is the middle man – the present self! AKA: yours truly, ME (oh man, it sucks to be the bad guy)! The minute the thought to move the alignment laser enters my head, I start playing with the laser’s knobs (physicists like to touch knobs – to see how sensitive they are [that’s what she said!]). Of course, when things are aligned and you are turning knobs just a wee-bit, everything seems under control. The middle (wo)man gets confident. I start thinking, “oh my past self aligned optics like a little girl (the expressions somehow seems less punchy than throwing-like-a-girl, or hitting-like-a-girl. Nevertheless, it is meant to communicate the same sort of disdain). This must have looked hard to her. Haha! Look at me now – I am the queen of optics…and this is my humble subject. My wish is its command”. Then of course in my vain red-queenly manner I proceed to “chop off the optic’s head” and almost immediately conjure to disappear from the scene leaving nothing behind but a I-told-you-so past self and a very disappointed what-have-I-done future self. The problem is ME. Or YOU - if the me we are talking about is you.

We’ll turn to the moral of the story (the Duchess would have wanted this anyways) to explain the last line: turns out neuropsychology says that this miscommunication is a well known phenomenon. We all work very hard, sacrifice our youth building something that we think we would value when we turn older. Be it pulling all-nighters in college, becoming stressed-out lawyers and consultants or renouncing the castle to elope with a knight (OMG, that is so 2008!) When you get there – you aren’t any happier! Why? Because the future self isn’t really your past self. You have changed. Turns out the best way to judge whether you will be happy in a particular career, lifestyle, country is to poll multiple people doing what you want to do in the future. The chances are you will side with the majority when you get there. Only now – you can save yourself from the pain involved in getting there - if it turns out that there is not the never-never-land you were hoping for! The key is not to ask questions like “oh, are you happy you did this?”, because most people cannot be objective about their life-changing decisions, but questions about their day-to-day life and then trying to picture yourself in their shoes. I know what you are thinking “but I am not them. I am different. Smarter, perhaps prettier, but definitely better”. That’s also a known phenomenon. It’s called the middle man - you or, in-my-case, me!

Ps: Now you probably realize why I am taking so long to do my PhD. Not only do I keep doing the same things over and over again (“hey, that’s how you become an expert !”), but there are voices in my head – all competing for attention and shown in different colors. That or I have severe ADD. I don’t know – lets go ride bikes.

PPs: This post is dedicated to Alice (the one in wonderland) and Lewis Carroll. I just finished rereading it. Note to future self (both mine and yours): “It’s brilliant . Reread it in about 5 years!” :).