My Hero: The Virtuous Smuggler!

Rug’s inspiring Ode to Francisco got me thinking about who my hero’s are. All my heroes have a few things in common. They are loners. They think for themselves always, to a degree that often causes them to come off gruff. They don’t get along with most people, but have intense love and loyalty to those whom they resonate with. The time that they don’t spend trying to be left in peace, they spend being implacable in the face of a seemingly invincible foe in the name of what’s right.

I couldn’t help but notice that many of my heroes fell into one conspicuous occupation: The Smuggler. So I’d like to pay tribute to the Han Solo’s, Malcolm Reynolds, and Augustus Skelly’s of the world.

They crave freedom enough to give up a comfortable existence workin for the man, for a life of danger on the far outskirts of society. They are the unsung heroes of property rights. At risk of their lives they connect willing buyers with willing sellers, deftly evading the mooching middle man who would horn in on the action. They take a special joy in helping those people because they get to flout the very same nosy nelly, by the book bureaucrats that drove them to that career in the first place. And it’s a good life. Your home is your ship. You spend most of your time in isolated gorgeous views of the open sky or ocean with plenty of time to read and think between short exciting bouts of “work”. It might be the most glamorous of unglamorous lives.

In the past, smugglers have enjoyed a much deserved romantic mystique. Throughout much of history they have transported plain old needed goods like wool, precious metals, spices, and spirits. From the 16^th century wool smugglers of England to the 20^th century moonshine runners of backwoods America, they just try to get the goods from the little folk who produce them to the little folk who consume them without outside interference.

In the last 50-100 years smugglers have been a victim of freedoms success. The advance of free trade has put a lot of hard working smugglers out of business. With no artificial need created by some greedy government there’s no market for the service. Mostly what remains is what are commonly referred to as traffickers, most of whom I would guess are not virtuous. They deal in goods that are illegal, as opposed to highly taxed. These include drug runners, gun runners, and slave traders (yes, amazingly they still exist mostly trading in women and children). These last villains especially harm the smuggler name. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that all three of the fictional heroes above found time to kick the ass of a slave trader. Han freed Chewie, Mal picked the pocket of a slave trader to start a raucous bar fight. And Augustus Skelly… ok it’s been too long since I read Sparrowhawk, but I’m sure there’s something in there.

Its not all bad news for the prospective smugglers now in days. There’s good news on the horizon for those who are warming to the trade. First, there are some old standbys still available, Cuban cigars into the US for example. (If they can make it here in a bathtub, think what you can do in a decent boat! Plus you’re based in Miami!) Now the first rule of smuggling is never travel with the holds empty, so be sure to bring some hot items into Cuba. I suggest very old car parts, very new electronics, or copies of Atlas Shrugged. Also, there is a serious dearth of decent spirits in the world’s largest democracy, India. May I suggest Sandalwood for the return trip? Lucky for you you won't have competition from the dreaded Sandalwood Smuggler Veerappan anymore! Also Protectionism is on the rise. Thanks to the corn lobby, one could do well transporting CocaCola with real sugar to connesuirs in the USofA. Also in his last-day-in-office anti-French tantrum President Bush put a 300% duty on Roquefort cheese and upped the tariffs on French truffles, Irish oatmeal, Italian sparkling water and foie gras, so the cross Atlantic trade might be opening up again!

So let us raise a glass, or a plate, or pipe of something elicit to the Virtuous Smuggler, hero of property rights.